Tell me how to lift the curse

“Can’t you give me the answer? How do I break this curse?” That’s what I asked my therapist in our second session. With compassion she told me it doesn’t work that way. And then she said, “Say more about this curse.”

I started seeing a therapist because I was sure I was cursed. I imagined myself as a sweet baby in the modest kingdom of my home, minding my own business, being my baby self. When suddenly, a curse is cast upon me as punishment to my family! For what? I have no idea. Nobody talked about it and didn’t seem to notice.

I believed in the curse because everything was hard for me. I struggled in school. I swung between anxiety and depression as a teen and young adult. I found myself in terribly unhealthy relationships with friends and lovers. All of this couldn’t just be a coincidence.

It had to be the curse.

All I wanted to was to feel good. I didn’t want to be sad or anxious or depressed. I wanted the pain in my lower back and leg to go away.

Why couldn’t I find my perfect relationship?

Why couldn’t I find my perfect career?

Why was my body hurting and betraying me?

Why did it seem like everybody around me had it all figured out?

I looked around and identified all the people I thought were winning in life. I observed them and tried on their qualities and traits. It was that whole fake it until you make it kind of thing. It helped a little but it was like putting on a onesie that was too big or too small. Other peoples’ personalities didn’t fit.

So, I let that go and turned to self-help books.

I wanted someone to give me the answer. Show me how I’m broken and I’ll fix it. Surely the books would have the answers I was looking for.

They did, to a certain extent. The books helped me understand things I didn’t know or think about. It was my entrance into psychology, shared human experiences, spirituality, and healing. It was good for me to build my cognitive understanding and learn the important teachings about the human condition.

I still struggled. The books didn’t seem to be breaking my curse. No matter how hard I tried to change my mind set, be positive, encourage the universe to deliver…I’m ready universe! I was still struggling.

I was confused and frustrated. I was doing “all the right things” like going to yoga, exercising, reading, producing at my job, raising my son, and on and on and on. I was checking off the list except for something really big and important.

Deeply held beliefs.

I held a deep belief, and I mean way down there, that I didn’t deserve the things I desired.

Turns out I was never good enough for myself. I beat myself up all the time about how I looked, what I said, performance at work, failed relationships, lack of success (whatever that means)…. You name it, I probably criticized myself about it.

I was awesome at punishing myself for all of my failings. But why?

I believed being hard on myself was the path to improvement and liking myself. It’s not.

Quite the opposite.

It all started with me being nicer to myself.

Then I had to accept that my answers won’t come from my therapist, a book, a class, or a shamanic journey (yes, I did that too). Don’t get me wrong. All of these resources are important but if we don’t shift deeply held beliefs that are holding us back those tools and resources will only get us so far.

My slow and windy road to becoming my own cheerleader took a seismic leap when I found yoga therapy.

I broke the curse! How?

I stopped believing in it.

Yoga therapy sessions opened me to the wisdom and compassion that exists in me that I didn’t know how to access.

Everything we need is already within us.

For some reason we distance ourselves from our innate love and wisdom as we grow up. But it never leaves us. It’s waiting for us to come back to it, to come home.

We have to slow down to access our true self.

We live in a fast-paced world. Slowing down to listen and know ourselves is not taught in the dominant western culture.

Reconnecting with ourselves doesn’t have to be complicated but it does take intention.

Check in every day with yourself without judgement.

Try this…

  • Find a quiet spot to sit or lay down (you can even do this walking if you want)

  • Set a timer for 5 minutes.

  • Follow your breath as you breathe in and out.

  • Notice how you feel, any emotions you have, and thoughts.

  • Give yourself gratitude for taking the time to check in with yourself.

You’re done!

Do that once a day and you’re well on way to getting to know yourself a little bit better.

Take it a step further by finding your support and community.

Nobody can give us our answers but we can surround ourselves with people who encourage our path to wellness.

I did. I’m a better person for it.

I’m living my best life as imperfect as it is. I’m in a loving relationship and I’m working on my passion projects. I still struggle at times. That never goes away. The difference now is my relationship with struggle. I slow down, listen, and glean the lessons and insights the struggle is giving me.

If you want support connecting to your true self and purpose, I would be honored to work with you. Connect with me HERE. I’ll contact you for your complimentary Discovery Call.

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